Finding a seat

Some theaters have a couples section. If this is your first time, we definitely recommend that you take your seats there. Sitting anywhere else indicates that you are ready and willing to play. Our guess is that you would probably prefer to relax a bit first as you get to know the place. If you are planning on some exhibitionism, be sure to sit at the edge of the couples section, so the guys can see. For instance, if the couples section is on the right side of the aisle, take seats right on the aisle so the boys on the other side can see. If the couples area is made up of the last rows in the theater, sit in the first of the designated couples rows so your audience can fill the row in front of you. (Beware of roaming hands coming from the row in front of you.)

If your theater does not have a couples section, choose an empty row, let the lady enter first and have a seat. If the row goes all the way to the wall, the lady might want to take the seat right next to the wall. If there is no wall, place your purse or jacket in the open seat next to you. If you don’t, it probably won’t be open for long. If you decide later that you would like some company, just move your belongings out of the seat. The guys will figure it out!

Avoid the front row. That is where the serious action often happens. Unless, of course, you are looking for some serious action! Ladies, you will most likely not want to sit on an aisle seat. In some theaters women take the aisle seat to allow men to walk up beside her for a blowjob. You may decide at some point that servicing a number of guys from the comfort of your seat is exactly what you want, but most women prefer having a chance to get into the mood of a place before they begin playing like that.

Dealing with the crowd

You two will establish the rules of any game that you want to play. Let the guys know what the limits are and they will comply. Guys, if your wife/girlfriend would like to be exposed or play with you, just tell the first guy that reaches toward her that he can look, but not touch. Many guys view the man of the couple as the "gatekeeper". They will look to you for permission. When they make eye contact, just shake your head if you do not want them to touch. If she would like to play with a guy or let one touch her, that's fine, just wave off the rest. After the guys know the rules, they will inform the newcomers as the show progresses.

Away from the theater itself, in the lobby or store area, you will find most of the guys to be very polite, mostly shy and occasionally friendly. Obviously, they are hoping to be able to get better acquainted with you (well, with HER, at least). Many of them don't seem to know what to say. As a result, they do some dumb things. You have, no doubt, heard about the zombies that just follow couples around. Ignore them, if you can. They are harmless though a little annoying!

By and large, the guys will do exactly what they are told. Just make sure you tell them clearly what is cool and what isn’t. Remember, people - even ladies - come to the theater for different reasons. It could be the last woman wanted to be gang banged by a group of horny strangers. They will still be in that mode until you tell them otherwise. Of course, if you WANT to be attacked by a group of horny strangers, you won’t need to do anything but pull your dress up.

Perhaps to best understand the mentality of the average guy in a porn theater, we should remind you that there is little difference between men and boys. Remember high school? When guys with raging hormones would try to push things as far as they could? For guys, sex - and foreplay - was like a football game and the female body was a field with clearly marked lines and boundaries. Young nervous guys try to figure out how to cross the first line by figuring out how to just get their hands on a girl. From there they would advance - kissing, squeezing a breast, feeling a naked breast, getting their hands between her legs, getting his dick squeezed, getting his dick out, a blow job and finally scoring with full intercourse. Your path to victory may differed a bit, depending on your strategy and the strength of the defense, but you get the point. Guys in porn theaters still operate the same way. Will they see tits? Pussy? A blowjob? Fucking? Can they touch? Her tits? Her pussy? Can they slip in a finger? Will she jerk them off? Suck them? Ride them like a cowgirl and yodel as the rest of the room applauds? The point is, guys will see each step as an invitation to the next one. So be clear. If you are cool with him feeling up your tits, but nothing more, make it clear. As soon as his hand starts to go south, stop him, and put it back on your breast. Don’t get angry and storm out because he took advantage, just remember how he thinks. If he goes south again, tell him the ride is over and find someone else to take his place. You won’t have the same problem again, from him or anyone else.

We close with two rules to guide your porn theater experience.

1. Go with no expectations. This is really hard, especially for the guys, but the truth is that sometimes things just don’t work out the way we hope they will. You might go to the theater planning on watching her play with a well-hung black stud, or a nervous young guy just old enough to get into the place. But if your dream date isn’t there, there isn’t a thing you can do about it. Find a different game to play or come back some other night. No matter what happens at the theater, you should go home happy, not frustrated.

2. Have fun. Relax, flirt, enjoy quietly making smartass remarks about the other patrons to one another. At the end of the evening you two are going home together. The experience should be something that you share and mutually enjoy. If it isn’t, go back and start reading this series from the beginning and figure out what you missed.

After you go, drop us a note and tell us what you did. Let us all enjoy the experience with you!

One person has commented on this article.

 1. Thank you
Guest User, Unregistered

you are the man. My girlfriend and I have been thinking about popping in to a theater when she comes to visit, but I wasn't sure how things might go. Thanks for the information, I feel like I can prepare properly now

 Posted 2009-05-11 17:12:07

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